I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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