Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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