a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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