I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
