My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
