I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
