I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize
