sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
