I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
