Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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