Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
