i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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