Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
