We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
