i just had sex bonerless
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
being pregnant is like rehab
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
