Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
