I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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