drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
