turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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