I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
