you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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