All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
