a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
