i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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