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I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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