Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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