I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's shark week go big or go home
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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