I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
