FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
