Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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