Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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