My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
