You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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