If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
