I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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