Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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