so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
