You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
