Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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