when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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