The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just gift wrapped bread.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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