Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
