I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
