I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
