You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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