Are we in a gay sports bar?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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