i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
