a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
did i walk over a car last night?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
