Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
