You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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