I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
