he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
