You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
