everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
