I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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