I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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