no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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