oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
