Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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