I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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