Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
