I hate all girls vehemently.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
