How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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