when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
